The Moment Everything Goes Quiet

You and your partner are having an argument. Voices rise as each of you tries to make your point about who’s more responsible for the issue at hand. Then suddenly, one of you goes silent. It’s like they’re physically there, but emotionally and mentally somewhere else.

This moment of going quiet, of pulling away, isn’t random. It’s a sign that something deeper is happening. Shutting down is often an automatic, protective response to emotional overload.

In my work with couples, I help partners not only understand their cycles of conflict and connection, but also recognize the ways they each protect or cope when things feel tense. Knowing your own survival strategies, as well as your partner’s, is one of the first steps toward shifting the dynamic between you.

Many of the couples I see in Couples Therapy Massachusetts notice that one or both partners tend to shut down when tension rises.

Communication Is a Skill, Not a Trait: Couples Therapy Massachusetts Can Help

Oct 19

Communication Is at the Heart of Connection

Smiles like this don’t come from perfection. They come from practice. Couples Therapy Massachusetts helps partners rebuild connection through communication.

The fact that you are reading this shows your desire, or at least your curiosity to make a positive change in the way you and your partner engage with each other. Relationships are at the heart of being human. They can nourish us, protect us physically and emotionally, and provide financial and practical support. At their best, relationships are a safe haven: a place to rest from the world, where we feel accepted and understood for who we are.

But relationships can also be deeply challenging. When misunderstandings pile up, a relationship can feel more like a stressor than a refuge. Two people coming together means two histories, two family systems, and two sets of personal trials and triumphs colliding. It’s no surprise that couples find themselves stuck in painful communication patterns.

Every couple struggles with communication at different points in their relationship, especially during times of high emotion.

When’s the last time you played? I mean really played, being silly, not worrying about what others think, being fully in the moment, and having fun simply for the sake of joy.

Play isn’t just for kids. it’s essential in adult life, and especially in relationships. At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, I often remind partners that play is one of the simplest ways to strengthen connection and reduce stress.

Why Play Matters

• Reduces stress: Play lightens the load we carry and brings relief from daily pressures.

• Builds connection: It offers new ways of seeing yourself and your partner.

• Keeps you present: Play shifts your focus away from regrets of the past or worries about the future.

• Invites vulnerability: When you play, you tap into the childlike part of yourself, unencumbered, authentic, and open.

Have you ever seen a child singing and dancing in the middle of a store, carefree and unconcerned with who’s watching? Kids naturally build trust and relationships through play. Adults do too.

Understanding the Dance of Conflict

At the heart of Couples Therapy Massachusetts is rediscovering the joy in your connection.

I was meeting with a couple recently where we were exploring their “dance” , their cycle of conflict and disconnection. They thoughtfully described their pattern with a lot of vulnerability in the room. At one point, we were processing what one of the partners was “protecting.” She was deeply in her survival strategy, something she’s just beginning to recognize. As she tapped into the more vulnerable parts of herself that drive her, she became emotional, realizing how these pieces were fueling her role in the couple’s conflict.

Why We Keep Coming Back for Connection

During a quiet moment in session, I gently, and somewhat jokingly wondered aloud how incredible it is that humans aren’t always in rupture and conflict. In a world that often feels like it’s on fire, it’s remarkable how many times humans show resilience, connection, and even joy. Despite everything, we keep coming back for more. We survive because of connection.

In my work at Couples Therapy Massachusetts, one theme that shows up again and again is the assumptions we make about our partners.

At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, we support couples in shifting our assumptions and perspectives to build stronger connection.

Here’s something to consider: if you know in your heart that your partner wouldn’t intentionally try to hurt you, does it help to hold onto that belief when you’re upset? If your feelings do get hurt, what might happen if you got curious instead and asked, “Hey, what just happened there?” instead of jumping straight to conclusions?

The truth is, none of us are mind readers. We all see the world through our own lens, our history, our experiences, our “stuff.” Sometimes I forget this myself and am genuinely surprised when someone interprets the same moment completely differently than I do.

I often get asked what the most common theme is in my work with couples. The truth is, the underlying theme in Couples Therapy Massachusetts is that everyone is carrying their own “stuff”: their burdens, histories, pain, and interpretations of those experiences. These invisible stories shape the pain points we hold and how we show up in relationships.

Think about it: everyone you pass walking on the street or driving in their car is carrying a lifetime of experiences with them.

How Our Histories Shape Our Reactions

Depending on your life experiences, how much therapy or inner work you’ve done (or haven’t done), the meaning you assign, often without realizing it to your past, your current stress level, even how much sleep or food you’ve had, all of this impacts how you respond to another person’s behavior, mood, facial expression, or body language.

Man, it is so easy to zero in on what’s not working, whether that’s in our relationships, at work, or with our kids. Our brains are naturally wired to notice what feels “off” because that used to be essential for survival. Spotting problems quickly helped us avoid danger or fix something that could harm us.

Our Brains Love to Spot What’s Wrong

That survival instinct is useful when I need to catch a mistake in a work project, or when I’m building something and realize I left out an important piece. But in relationships, if all we ever notice is what’s broken, annoying, or difficult, it becomes really hard to see what is working.

When Noticing Only the Bad Backfires

Whether it’s with your children, colleagues, or partner, being hyper-focused on flaws or difficulties can leave the other person feeling criticized, defeated, and less motivated to make small but meaningful changes. It also has a negative impact on you. When you are annoyed or seeing all of the flaws in your partner, that does not help you want to connect and be close. It just invites distance and conflict. At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, this comes up all the time, partners who only notice what isn’t working miss the good that’s right there.

The theme of “what story are you telling yourself?” comes up often for me, both in my personal life and in my work at Couples Therapy Massachusetts.

Just the other day, my husband and I were doing things around the house, getting ready for the week. I was focused on checking tasks off my list, moving quickly without much thought. At one point, we started talking and he said, “Oh, thank you for telling me that. I thought you were just being [insert assumption].” He went on to explain how the story in his head was that I was upset with him.

When he shared his version of the story, I was able to explain that I wasn’t mad at all. I was simply focused on getting things done so we could have more time together later.

The Stories We Create in Relationships

We all create stories in our heads about why someone is acting a certain way:

At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, one theme that comes up again and again is the tendency to avoid difficult conversations to prevent conflict. Many of the couples I support tell me they’re just waiting for the “right” time to bring up a tough topic with their partner. I get it, but here’s the truth: if you’re waiting for the stars to align, the kids to be asleep, the house to be clean, and both of you to be well-rested and in great moods... you might be waiting a very long time.

That’s why it’s so important to have these conversations when you're both feeling as regulated and emotionally grounded as possible, not perfect, just steady enough to be present.

A thriving garden starts with rich, balanced soil, and so does a thriving relationship. At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, I often compare relationship dynamics to compost, the foundation of healthy soil. It’s teeming with life. Tiny organisms break down food scraps, leaves, and other natural materials, but only if the conditions are right. Too much green matter (like fruit and veggie scraps) and not enough brown matter (like leaves, cardboard, or bark) creates imbalance. The pile begins to rot and stink.

Relationships are no different. If you try to grow something meaningful in soil that’s depleted or neglected, the roots won’t take. You can sprinkle on fancy fertilizer, lavish gifts, date nights, public declarations of love, but if the invisible groundwork isn’t solid, the relationship won't be strong enough to withstand life’s heatwaves, cold spells, or unwelcome intrusions.

I love gardening.  I truly, deeply love it. I can’t overstate this. I’ve been known to sneak off, during a BBQ to weed a friend’s flower bed once the small talk runs dry. But let’s be real, more likely than not, I am just weeding my friends garden in the middle of the party.  I get some curious looks, but what can I say, it is my happy place.  I’ve even fantasized about gardening for my neighbors: “Hey, I have some perennials that need dividing, want them? I can even plant them for you. You don’t have to do a thing.”

But this summer, despite those fantasies, my own potted plants on the deck are looking a little sad. Between the relentless heat and my lack of energy to keep up with watering, they’re a bit crispy. Some may not recover no matter how much water I give it. And that’s hard to admit. So, I’m trying to give myself some grace, recognizing that this might just be a season where I don’t have the time, energy, or attention to devote to my plants because life is pulling me in so many directions.

The same is true for relationships.

Couples Therapy Massachusetts: Burnout and Recovery

Jun 9

At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, individuals and couples discover a path to reconnect—both with themselves and with each other.

Burnout can show up in many forms, low energy, a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, feeling like no amount of sleep is ever enough, or procrastinating and avoiding tasks you know need to be done. It might feel like depression, and in some ways, the two can look similar. But burnout often stems from how you're living your life, especially when you're out of alignment with your values. At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, I understand how burnout can impact not only your personal well-being but also your closest relationships.

You may wonder if you’re depressed. After all, depression and burnout can look very similar. But there’s an important difference: burnout often stems from how you’re living your life. When your day-to-day experiences are misaligned with your core values and needs, burnout begins to creep in. It can also happen when you push past subtle signs your body is giving you, whispers that say, “Hey, something’s off.” When those signs are ignored, they eventually become louder, more disruptive. Our bodies, minds, and spirits have limits.

What Does Burnout Look Like?

Burnout can show up in ways you might not expect. Maybe you're clocking long hours at a job that no longer aligns with your values. You dread showing up. Or perhaps you dream of taking a vacation but never actually plan one, always putting it off for “later.”

Pay Attention to What Fuels You

Couples Therapy Massachusetts: Summer Bucket List

Jun 9

Seasonal transitions are a great time to pause and take stock; what’s working in your life and relationship? What’s not? What do you want more of, and what might need to be dialed down or let go?

Intentional connection through online couples therapy in Massachusetts

Before summer fully takes on a life of its own (and maybe it already has!), consider setting aside some intentional time with your partner, or your whole family, to create a summer bucket list.

This is more than just a fun list-making activity. It’s a gentle way to check in, align your priorities, and connect about what you each need and want in the months ahead.

Why a Summer Bucket List?

Creating a bucket list together is a playful, low-pressure way to be intentional about how you spend your time. It helps you move from “we should do something” to “here’s how we want to feel this season.”

You can each make your own personal list and then come together to create a shared relationship bucket list for the summer. Think of it as a vision board in list form—a place to daydream, get creative, and talk openly about what matters.

Couples Therapy Massachusetts: Love Lost in Translation?

Jun 9

Couple reconnecting through online couples therapy in Massachusetts

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I’m doing everything I can. Why doesn’t my partner feel loved?” Or maybe you’ve felt unloved yourself, even though your partner insists they’re trying. If so, you might be speaking different love languages and not even know it.

This disconnect is incredibly common and something I work with all the time in couples therapy in Massachusetts, especially when one partner says “I do everything!” and the other says “I just don’t feel connected.” Let’s talk about why that happens and what you can do about it.

What Is a Love Language?

A love language is simply the way you naturally express and receive love. It's how you show someone you care and how you recognize when someone loves you.For some people, it’s saying “I love you.” For others, it’s doing the dishes without being asked. Love languages can vary from person to person, and even within families.

I Grew Up With Acts of Service as a Love Language

In my family growing up, acts of service was a dominant love language. I remember being a little girl and noticing when my mom had a hard day. I’d clean the bathroom, not because she asked, but because I knew it would mean something to her. In return, she might say “thank you” or give me a hug, words of affirmation and physical touch, adding to the emotional exchange.Later in life, when I bought my first home, my parents would show love by helping with house projects. My dad would ask, “What needs to be fixed?” That was one of our love languages, doing for each other.Even now, I see how I continue that pattern. I show love to my family by checking off to-do lists, picking up the slack, and making life a little easier for everyone.

When Your Partner Doesn’t Speak the Same Love Language

Here’s where things can get tricky: your partner or your kids may have a different primary love language.

Resentment in relationships don’t happen overnight. It’s insidious—a slow build over time. It often grows in relationships when important thoughts and feelings are either not addressed at all, or if they are, they’re left unresolved. This can look like feeling upset or disappointed because you’re the one always initiating sex, or because you’re carrying a heavy mental load while your partner doesn’t seem to notice—or even if they do, nothing changes.

Of course, you don’t want to nitpick every little thing that disappoints you. Constant criticism can create just as much disconnection. So instead, you say nothing and try to move on… only for something else to come up. And that’s how resentment builds.

So how do you deal with this in a way that helps your relationship grow toward health and not dis-ease?

Here are 5 things you can do:

The theme of grace keeps surfacing in my work with clients at Couples Counseling Worcester MA—and in my own life. I don’t know about you, but I can be my own harshest critic. I’m on a journey of allowing myself more grace and understanding, and it’s something I continue to work on. I also see this dynamic play out in many of the couples I work with. Whether it’s extending grace to themselves or to each other, I help clients explore and practice this essential skill.

Grace can be the grease that keeps a relationship moving smoothly—or the lack of it can become the friction that wears it down.

At Couples Counseling Worcester MA, I hear it all the time: “We’re coming to counseling as a last resort.”
There’s a common fear that seeking couples therapy must mean the relationship is in serious trouble — even beyond repair.

But here’s the truth: relationships are complicated. Even the couples who seem like they have the perfect marriage on the outside? They’re not immune to challenges. No relationship is perfect. And when I hear couples say, “We never fight,” that can actually be a red flag. It makes me wonder: what’s not being said? What feelings are being buried to keep the peace?

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. What matters is how we handle that conflict — that’s where growth (or damage) happens.

Therapy Isn’t Just for the Brink of Collapse

The theme of intentionality has been coming up often in my work with clients at Couples Counseling Worcester, MA—as well as in my own life. I’ve realized that if I’m not intentional in my relationships, they can take on a life of their own... or no life at all. When we operate on autopilot and just drift, we may unknowingly steer our relationships onto a dangerous course—simply because we don’t know what direction we’re headed.

One way to switch off autopilot is by focusing on small, everyday moments in our relationships—like how we greet our loved ones.

A greeting might seem simple, but it sets the tone for the rest of your time together.

I’ve been thinking about vulnerability and sex—you know, because that’s how my brain works when I’m not seeing clients at Couples Counseling Worcester MA. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how truly good, connected sex requires a certain kind of openness. For that to happen, the protective barriers we usually carry need to melt away.

In our day-to-day lives, most of us walk around wearing some kind of mask—a shield to keep us from getting hurt. We guard our emotions, our thoughts, even our bodies. But sex and intimacy live on the opposite end of that spectrum. Sex and intimacy ask us to strip those defenses away and reveal ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

As people grow and move into middle age and beyond, their relationship to sex evolves, too. When I think about the typical experience of sex for younger people, it often feels more instinctual—driven by physical desire. Emotion and spirituality aren’t always in the forefront of the equation. But as we grow—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—our relationship to sex can shift as well. It can become richer, more layered. Ideally, more conscious.

But this shift doesn’t happen automatically. Like any meaningful part of life, it requires intention. It needs to be tended to, so it can grow with you—instead of becoming stagnant, like a sweater you once loved but that no longer fits.