Couples Therapy Massachusetts: Check Your Assumptions

In my work at Couples Therapy Massachusetts, one theme that shows up again and again is the assumptions we make about our partners.

At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, we support couples in shifting our assumptions and perspectives to build stronger connection.

Here’s something to consider: if you know in your heart that your partner wouldn’t intentionally try to hurt you, does it help to hold onto that belief when you’re upset? If your feelings do get hurt, what might happen if you got curious instead and asked, “Hey, what just happened there?” instead of jumping straight to conclusions?

The truth is, none of us are mind readers. We all see the world through our own lens, our history, our experiences, our “stuff.” Sometimes I forget this myself and am genuinely surprised when someone interprets the same moment completely differently than I do.

And here’s another layer: sometimes one partner has a harder time reading social cues. Maybe they miss a facial expression, don’t pick up on tone, or struggle to sense when something feels “off.” When that happens, assumptions can snowball even faster; one partner feeling unseen or unheard, the other feeling confused about what went wrong. That’s where curiosity becomes even more essential. Instead of assuming the worst, you can ask with openness: “You seemed distracted just now, was that about me, or something else?”

Coming back to your shared premise that your partner isn’t out to hurt you can help you approach these moments differently. Their behavior might have more to do with what they’re carrying than with you. By checking in with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you keep the focus on understanding each other rather than reacting to the story in your head.

Because when we go into defense, the whole situation shifts. Suddenly, it’s about our reaction rather than what’s actually happening for our partner. And the waters get muddy quickly.

So here’s the takeaway: check your assumptions.

If your underlying belief is that your partner is a good person who cares about you, but you catch yourself interpreting their behavior otherwise, pause. Ask. Wonder out loud. Don’t let the story in your head run the show.

At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, I help partners practice exactly this—slowing down, checking their narratives, and building new ways of talking to each other. When curiosity replaces defensiveness, connection has room to grow.

If you and your partner are caught in cycles of miscommunication or assumptions, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. Reach out to Couples Therapy Massachusetts today to start rewriting the story together and building the connection you both want.