Couples Therapy Massachusetts: Changing Your Relationship Dance
Understanding the Dance of Conflict
At the heart of Couples Therapy Massachusetts is rediscovering the joy in your connection.
I was meeting with a couple recently where we were exploring their “dance” , their cycle of conflict and disconnection. They thoughtfully described their pattern with a lot of vulnerability in the room. At one point, we were processing what one of the partners was “protecting.” She was deeply in her survival strategy, something she’s just beginning to recognize. As she tapped into the more vulnerable parts of herself that drive her, she became emotional, realizing how these pieces were fueling her role in the couple’s conflict.
Why We Keep Coming Back for Connection
During a quiet moment in session, I gently, and somewhat jokingly wondered aloud how incredible it is that humans aren’t always in rupture and conflict. In a world that often feels like it’s on fire, it’s remarkable how many times humans show resilience, connection, and even joy. Despite everything, we keep coming back for more. We survive because of connection.
The Wounds We Carry Into Relationships
As human beings, we are the walking wounded. We carry our experiences with us, the uplifting, the painful, and everything in between. Some experiences we can name and talk about; others are preverbal, etched into our bodies, our DNA, our souls. All of it shapes us, whether we’re aware of it or not. And if we haven’t done our inner work, we may have no idea why we’re reacting or protecting in the ways that we are.
At times in Couples Therapy Massachusetts, I ask my clients: “What are you protecting?” Nine times out of ten, the answer traces back to an old wound or vulnerability. When we’re in protection mode, we’re not inviting connection, even if our survival strategies are our misguided attempts at it.
Connection as Our Human Design
Humans are wired for connection. At birth, both baby and caregiver experience increased oxytocin, the bonding hormone, through skin-to-skin contact. Studies show babies thrive on this type of connection and a bond is created between baby and caregiver.
As toddlers, we practice autonomy by moving away from our caregiver, only to return for reassurance and safety. This cycle of distance and closeness builds our courage and confidence.
In adult relationships, bids for connection look like a hand on the shoulder, asking “How was your day?”, or laughing at an inside joke. Even arguments, the “dance” couples do that may feel unhelpful, are often bids for connection, an attempt to be seen and understood.
Creating a New Dance at Couples Therapy Massachusetts
Now, more than ever, connection, true, authentic connection is needed in our world. At Couples Therapy Massachusetts, couples come to me for guidance in understanding the “dance” that keeps them from the closeness they long for. Together, we explore:
How their dance began
What purpose the dance serves for each partner
How to pause and change the music
How to choreograph a new dance that fosters the connection they truly desire
Let’s Connect!
If you’re ready to pause the cycles that keep you disconnected and rediscover the closeness you once had, I’m here to help. Together, we can unpack your patterns, heal old hurts, and build a new dance of connection.
Let’s see if Couples Therapy Massachusetts feels like a fit. Reach out to me for a 15-minute consultation and we’ll talk about where you are and what’s possible next.
