Resentment in relationships don’t happen overnight. It’s insidious—a slow build over time. It often grows in relationships when important thoughts and feelings are either not addressed at all, or if they are, they’re left unresolved. This can look like feeling upset or disappointed because you’re the one always initiating sex, or because you’re carrying a heavy mental load while your partner doesn’t seem to notice—or even if they do, nothing changes.

Of course, you don’t want to nitpick every little thing that disappoints you. Constant criticism can create just as much disconnection. So instead, you say nothing and try to move on… only for something else to come up. And that’s how resentment builds.

So how do you deal with this in a way that helps your relationship grow toward health and not dis-ease?

Here are 5 things you can do:

The theme of grace keeps surfacing in my work with clients at Couples Counseling Worcester MA—and in my own life. I don’t know about you, but I can be my own harshest critic. I’m on a journey of allowing myself more grace and understanding, and it’s something I continue to work on. I also see this dynamic play out in many of the couples I work with. Whether it’s extending grace to themselves or to each other, I help clients explore and practice this essential skill.

Grace can be the grease that keeps a relationship moving smoothly—or the lack of it can become the friction that wears it down.

At Couples Counseling Worcester MA, I hear it all the time: “We’re coming to counseling as a last resort.”
There’s a common fear that seeking couples therapy must mean the relationship is in serious trouble — even beyond repair.

But here’s the truth: relationships are complicated. Even the couples who seem like they have the perfect marriage on the outside? They’re not immune to challenges. No relationship is perfect. And when I hear couples say, “We never fight,” that can actually be a red flag. It makes me wonder: what’s not being said? What feelings are being buried to keep the peace?

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. What matters is how we handle that conflict — that’s where growth (or damage) happens.

Therapy Isn’t Just for the Brink of Collapse

The theme of intentionality has been coming up often in my work with clients at Couples Counseling Worcester, MA—as well as in my own life. I’ve realized that if I’m not intentional in my relationships, they can take on a life of their own... or no life at all. When we operate on autopilot and just drift, we may unknowingly steer our relationships onto a dangerous course—simply because we don’t know what direction we’re headed.

One way to switch off autopilot is by focusing on small, everyday moments in our relationships—like how we greet our loved ones.

A greeting might seem simple, but it sets the tone for the rest of your time together.

I’ve been thinking about vulnerability and sex—you know, because that’s how my brain works when I’m not seeing clients at Couples Counseling Worcester MA. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about how truly good, connected sex requires a certain kind of openness. For that to happen, the protective barriers we usually carry need to melt away.

In our day-to-day lives, most of us walk around wearing some kind of mask—a shield to keep us from getting hurt. We guard our emotions, our thoughts, even our bodies. But sex and intimacy live on the opposite end of that spectrum. Sex and intimacy ask us to strip those defenses away and reveal ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

As people grow and move into middle age and beyond, their relationship to sex evolves, too. When I think about the typical experience of sex for younger people, it often feels more instinctual—driven by physical desire. Emotion and spirituality aren’t always in the forefront of the equation. But as we grow—emotionally, mentally, spiritually—our relationship to sex can shift as well. It can become richer, more layered. Ideally, more conscious.

But this shift doesn’t happen automatically. Like any meaningful part of life, it requires intention. It needs to be tended to, so it can grow with you—instead of becoming stagnant, like a sweater you once loved but that no longer fits.

After a long day seeing my amazing clients at Couples Counseling Worcester MA, I spent some time with my 9 year old daughter. She wanted me to sit with her downstairs while she watched one of her TV shows. Although I love my daughter very much and enjoy spending time with her, I wasn’t particularly interested in watching her show and could have thought of other ways I would like to use my time. Instead of telling her that I didn’t want to watch it and finding something else to do, I asked if there was a show we could both agree on and enjoy together. 

We agreed to watch The Great British Baking Show.  As we watched the show, we snuggled on the couch laughing and talking about what might happen next and who would win. After spending time together, sharing those laughs, I realized how good it felt. We reconnected, and in a way, we made a deposit into our emotional relationship bank account.

The next day, when I asked her if she had brushed her teeth and if she could get her shoes on for school, she responded calmly. In contrast, when we haven’t spent time together, she can be a bit sassy.

This theme of nurturing keeps popping up for me.

My next-door neighbor was having a new driveway installed, and as I walked by and the workers apologized for the noise. One of them said, "It’s ugly now, but it will be beautiful later." I smiled and replied, "That’s life—it’s a good reminder." We both laughed.

It’s so important to recognize that life can be messy and, at times, not so pretty—especially when we’re in the midst of trying to make changes or grow. We often crave quick fixes: "Tell me what I need to do, give me something concrete to remove the conflict or pain. Please, give me solutions to get rid of this anxiety!" But sometimes, progress comes in small, subtle ways—tiny shifts that may seem insignificant at first, like noticing your internal thoughts and feelings, or paying attention to how you respond—or don’t respond—to internal stimuli in your body, mind, or partner.

At Couples Counseling Worcester MA I support couples in having difficult discussions effectively. Having tough conversations with your partner can be challenging, especially when emotions are running high. It's easy to feel the urge to jump into problem-solving, compromise, or even forcing your perspective onto your partner in hopes that they will see things your way in an attempt to quickly resolve the issue. However, before jumping ahead to solutions, it's important to first set the stage for a productive conversation.

Here are some key steps to consider when approaching a difficult conversation with your partner.

Oftentimes, hopelessness stems from feeling like there’s nothing you can do to change things.

Couples Counseling Worcester MA inspires hope for individuals and couples

I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter how small the act is or if it’s just for one person—the ripple effect is real.

Even in couples therapy at Couples Counseling Worcester MA, I talk to my clients about them focusing on how they want to show up in their relationships. We cannot change the other person. The more we put effort into changing other peoples’ perspectives, behavior, thoughts, and emotions, the more people get defensive, and either fight back or stop engaging altogether. One person in the system can slowly over time, change the larger system. This is true for families, this is true in couples, and this is true in our communities.

What kind of impact do you want to have on the world?

The small things matter and can have a lasting, positive impact.

I don’t know about you, but it feels like we're all so plugged in these days, and everything is synced to our phones.

If we want to listen to music, we reach for our phones. If we're on vacation and want to take a picture, we grab our phones. How many times have you been in a conversation with a friend, engaging in a friendly debate, only for one of you to grab your phone to settle the argument? Or when you want to cook or bake something, the recipe is right there at your fingertips.

The issue is that while we use this amazing technology, we often get sucked into distractions we didn’t intend to explore.

I’ve been guilty of opening my phone to play a favorite song, only to get sidetracked by a text, an email, or a social media post, and before I know it, I’ve fallen down a dark winding rabbit hole. Then, I completely forget what I originally intended to do.

Here are 7 tips for being more intentional with your phone use:

It’s not always easy to wake up in the morning.  I don’t know about you, but I find myself excited and rearing to go on the weekends because I am excited about projects I want to do like planting my garden or seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while.

Having a morning routine that you feel good about can help improve your relationships.

If you're feeling less rushed and stressed, it can have a positive impact not just on you, but also on your partner and kids. I know that whatever mood I'm in can rub off on others, and vice versa. Starting the morning with positive interactions with yourself and your partner can create a positive ripple effect throughout the day.

But how do you create a morning routine that feels good on days when you’re not excited or you’re heading to work, just like any other day?

Here are some ideas to get you jump started in the morning. 

Have you ever noticed a constant commentary in your head?

Have you found yourself trying to sleep while the voice in your mind just won’t quiet down?

Don’t worry—you’re not going crazy! This happens to almost everyone. It's a normal part of how our brains work: thinking, assessing, planning, figuring things out, and judging. Learn more on how to deal with overthinking, anxiety, and worry.

I often find myself so busy—focused on work, racing around to attend to my children’s needs, showing up emotionally, mentally, and physically for my partner and my family. I'm constantly distracted, pulled into the world of my phone, binge-watching shows, making dinner, ensuring everyone has clean clothes, and remembering to take out the trash on Fridays. Oh, and wait—did I put on deodorant and brush my teeth today? Yikes!

With all of the stress and competing demands we are all facing, it can be really hard to realize how we are coming off to the people around us. 

I recently started attending a parenting group with my partner, hoping to find better ways to support our child through intense emotions and challenging behaviors. What I didn’t expect was this “aha!” moment: the strategies we’re learning don’t just apply to parenting—they’re game-changers for all types of relationships. I am excited to share this knowledge with clients I see for couples counseling in Worcester MA and with all of you.

Couples Counseling Worcester MA

Why do we fight in relationships? We fight to be heard. We fight to be seen. We fight to be understood and to feel valued. We fight because we want to feel validated by our partner. We fight because we want to change our partner’s mind. We fight to win. We fight to protect our vulnerabilities. We fight and argue to connect and feel close, although it rarely turns out that way in the end.

It is our ego revving up and exerting its dominance, needing to be right. The ego wants to protect itself when it feels threatened. Our ego does not like to feel out of control or vulnerable, nor does it want our identity or self-worth to feel threatened. So, if we are not mindful and aware, our ego tends to strike back.

One of the topics I help couples explore in Couples Counseling Worcester MA, is being intentional in their relationship with their partner.

We enter romantic relationships putting our best foot forward. We tend to show our best selves—our patient side, light and breezy side, the “that doesn’t bother me” side. However, as we get more comfortable in our relationships, specifically with our partners, the side of us that is hyper-intentional, what my husband calls “meeting someone’s agent,” relaxes, and other parts of our personality arise.

Being in a relationship can be amazing, especially when it's fresh and new. However, it turns out that relationships require a lot of work too. In the beginning stages of dating, there's this spark, this excitement. We find ourselves wanting to spend all our time with this new person, curious about every aspect of them. But over time, as we become more familiar and exposed to each other, that initial excitement naturally decreases. We may then find ourselves wondering if we've lost attraction to our partners or fallen out of love with them, and vice versa.

Our culture perpetuates this fantasy of true love, of everlasting passion and electricity, along with the expectation that our partner should fulfill every role we need them to: best friend, lover, co-parent, weekend adventurer, and more. However, this initial electricity inevitably fades. It's unrealistic to expect such intensity to be sustained forever. Instead, what often happens is that lust and excitement soften into emotional and spiritual intimacy—a real understanding and connection with someone.

You want more connection with Couples Counseling Worcester MA.

Our brains have evolved to problem-solve, think, and assist in tasks like hunting and finding safe places to live or building shelter, and assess danger—essentially, to ensure our survival.

In our minds, all thoughts are equal; our mind can't distinguish the validity of one from another.

Thoughts continually come and go, creating a background chatter. At times, we might become "hooked" by our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories, resulting in feeling an increase in destress and/or feeling stuck. This is a common experience for everyone and can divert us from what we truly value, the aspects that give richness and meaning to our lives.