It’s not always easy to wake up in the morning.  I don’t know about you, but I find myself excited and rearing to go on the weekends because I am excited about projects I want to do like planting my garden or seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while.

Have you ever noticed a constant commentary in your head?

Have you found yourself trying to sleep while the voice in your mind just won’t quiet down?

Don’t worry—you’re not going crazy! This happens to almost everyone. It's a normal part of how our brains work: thinking, assessing, planning, figuring things out, and judging. Learn more on how to deal with overthinking, anxiety, and worry.

I often find myself so busy—focused on work, racing around to attend to my children’s needs, showing up emotionally, mentally, and physically for my partner and my family. I'm constantly distracted, pulled into the world of my phone, binge-watching shows, making dinner, ensuring everyone has clean clothes, and remembering to take out the trash on Fridays. Oh, and wait—did I put on deodorant and brush my teeth today? Yikes!

I recently started attending a parenting group with my partner, hoping to find better ways to support our child through intense emotions and challenging behaviors. What I didn’t expect was this “aha!” moment: the strategies we’re learning don’t just apply to parenting—they’re game-changers for all types of relationships. I am excited to share this knowledge with clients I see for couples counseling in Worcester MA and with all of you.

Self-compassion is key. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, when we are unkind or harshly critical of ourselves internally, it becomes harder to be kind, understanding, and patient with those around us. I notice this in myself. When I am struggling and listening to my harsh inner critic, I often find myself being less patient, harsher, and more critical of the people I care about. 

Why do we fight in relationships? We fight to be heard. We fight to be seen. We fight to be understood and to feel valued. We fight because we want to feel validated by our partner. We fight because we want to change our partner’s mind. We fight to win. We fight to protect our vulnerabilities. We fight and argue to connect and feel close, although it rarely turns out that way in the end.

We enter romantic relationships putting our best foot forward. We tend to show our best selves—our patient side, light and breezy side, the “that doesn’t bother me” side. However, as we get more comfortable in our relationships, specifically with our partners, the side of us that is hyper-intentional, what my husband calls “meeting someone’s agent,” relaxes, and other parts of our personality arise.

Being in a relationship can be amazing, especially when it's fresh and new. However, it turns out that relationships require a lot of work too. In the beginning stages of dating, there's this spark, this excitement. We find ourselves wanting to spend all our time with this new person, curious about every aspect of them. But over time, as we become more familiar and exposed to each other, that initial excitement naturally decreases. We may then find ourselves wondering if we've lost attraction to our partners or fallen out of love with them, and vice versa.

When I introduce meditation to my clients for the first time, misconceptions often arise regarding its purpose and what to expect. My clients fall prey to common myths about mediation, including the belief that they must achieve a completely clear mind or constant peace and calmness during meditation. 

Our brains have evolved to problem-solve, think, and assist in tasks like hunting and finding safe places to live or building shelter, and assess danger—essentially, to ensure our survival.

The Vulnerability Cycle is a concept that describes the emotional dynamics and patterns of interaction that develop between two people in any kind of relationship. These coping patterns often stem from early experiences in a person’s family of origin and tend to show up in their current relationships. The way these two people respond to each other’s vulnerabilities and insecurities can often perpetuate conflict and distance. Understanding and addressing the vulnerability cycle is a key aspect of couples therapy, as it helps promote healthier communication and connection.